x

Okay, so, 12:50am.

I haven't been dating and I'm currently feeling quite shit ass lonely.

To make things sound more terrible than it already is, I haven't been getting sufficient sleep and maybe that's the reason why I'm even feeling slightly crappy about myself at this very moment.

You know how you

think of one bad thing that's happened to you and suddenly you're all focused on ALL the bad things? You nitpick and you insist that, yea, you're having a bad day. So this is the time now for me to, 

1. Acknowledge the 'bad' parts

2. Get that shitty things happen to people all the time, not just me.

3. If the bad things happen to me because of me and if it can be fixed.

4. Look at the things I'd done right today. 

Do I feel better?

Actually yes, slightly. Just by writing this down makes me feel a hell lot better already. 

Geez. The human state of mind can be so willed and easily manipulated at the same time! 

What?

You know the way thoughts
just somehow (almost sneakily) finds their way deep into your head when you're doing all the little mundane stuffs? Yea, happened to me.

I was under a running shower
and wanted absolutely nothing in my head. I started to have my mind relax, listen to the sounds of my surrounding and just.. breathe. But next thing you know, my mind was flooded with thoughts real fucking quick. Sneaky bastards.

All odd questions came to me, they were so fast like flash cards.
Ok, I exaggerated. Maybe just one question. Do we love less as we grow older?

Ok, I lied again. It was more than one.
Do we lose the ability to love as we age? Is it intentional? Is it basic human instincts? The need to defend, the desire to be loved before we love? It seems to me, that the older we get, the more selfish we become - especially the part on the willingness to love and care. Does it come with time, or wisdom? Or has it got to do with the lack of courage? They're such fine lines.

Honestly, I would love
to answer all of them right now. Think, discuss and have a fucking debate within my brain. But nope! My brain is legitimately, super. fucking. fried. I haven't slept in more than 24 hours. Or like 2 days. BUT - I am happy. Like REALLY happy. So all is well. :D

 Happy days! x 

Thank you for loving me.

Oh, how I missed you! 

Trying to upload 300 over pictures onto my computer at once can be such a tedious process. 

(Not to also mention, very boring.) But yay! Happy moments deserves to be shared with everyone who chances upon this page! All the work, lil lazy editing and uploading is soooo worth it. And of all the hazy thoughts that has been swimming around inside my brain and beneath my thin skull.. I still can't quite catch the things I want to say. Like trying to catch a feather whose only fate is determined by wind. 

And to my very loved ones, thank you for surprising me year after year. For no words can ever emphasise nor delineate the enormous amount of gratitude and love I feel for each and every one of you. I am 21 now, love. x 

Happy browsing tons of silly pictures and videos that prolly doesn't make any sense to you but holds great significance to me.

♥♥♥♥