Wednesday, 10 June 2015

Hunger for power and self-control.

7th June 2015

Sometimes, I don't feel like I'm in control of myself. 
I want to feel sane. I want to feel useful like I'm doing something productive everyday. I want to be able to say yes when someone ask if I'm making any progress in life. So I try. I try to make my own food as much as I can. I tell myself to learn a new dish, make new desserts and do simple exercise. I start to follow new twitter accounts hoping to learn something new or interesting. Is this hunger for knowledge? Or is this just trying to become a better person?

I want to turn my
insecurities into happiness. I yearn to do that. Negative energy can be so strong and overpowering and I guess that's when it's up to myself to channel such strong energy into something positive and empowering. I don't wanna let it eat me from inside out. I stick little notes on my wall to remind myself that life really isn't that bad. That I can still be in control and have motivation to better myself everyday. Never mind my fat nose, imperfect body and all the other flaws, I tell myself that I can still be beautiful if I'm just confident enough. Most importantly, to know that I can pull through whatever life decides to throw at me.

This is hunger.
Hunger for power and self-control, isn't it?