Celebrated Peixin's birthday on 10 Sept at Bugis that day with
Yvonne , Yutat , Samuel , Louis , Shamin & Yiqing (:
Had quite some fun and some of us went to Soprano at night .
Went to Soul before that , but it was completely full house as it's a event by Badass Productions . Slacked off awhile with the same usual people at Dhouby when Shane suddenly came & surprised me . It's always great to have him as a company , always felt so safe and good to be with him .
But it's also always the one you love that hurts you so deeply , so unexpectedly .
Went to Sheesha last night at 48 Arab street with
Peixin , Louis , Yu tat , Samuel , Samantha , Michelle and another guy . Yesterday ended pretty early , all of us went home that day without going anywhere . But I just couldn't sleep since last night when I reach home receiving bad news . Till now .
I just feel so .. upset now . Complete lost of words .
Imagine being so close with someone for almost 6 months . Going through so many things together , no matter what so many people said about him . All the , " he is a hongster ; he's a flirt ; he would only play with you ; get ready to get played ; he's taking you for granted ; he fuck and throw girls all the time ; he's always with other girls " . All these comments , whether it's true or not , I really don't wanna give a damn about it .
Everything was doing so well and fine , when I started working .
We drifted , but we did it . Everything together , spending time with each other in any possible circumstances . Surprising me , buying breakfast for you . All this , I've not forgotten . Helping me solve my problems without letting me know , asking people to take care of me , letting the world know that you love me , all this I knew .
But all this seems to be ending soon .
It hurts me so badly , knowing that you kissed , hugged , petting and everything was done behind my back with another girl . It's not the girl's fault at all . It wasn't the first time I knew about all this . I just kept quiet , I just didn't want to quarrel with you , I just didn't wanted to hurt you , not a single bit . But why is it that it's always when I was about to place more faith in you & you hurt me ? Why is that I always found out myself , unknowingly ? I don't even want to know all this at all . I just wanted to help you , and end up finding out all this just a few hours ago .
Some times I wonder how long more
can I stand . How strong I really am , but for you , I'm still waiting . Waiting & hoping that I'll still see changes in you . I'm waiting not because I'm naive , it's because you changed before . You did all the things that I've yearned for , you did everything for me . I knew you can , but I just don't know when you might just ... hurt me again .
Knowing that what ever you did behind my back was true ,
without knowing how many girls there are . I still don't care . That's because I believed you . I still do believe that in everyone's heart , there's someone special . I don't wanna lose any single hope . But I felt so heart broken , felt as if I'm falling into pieces when you said , " she's just a FLING ; If I wanted to be together with her , we would have been together long time ago " . Then why did you said that everything between us can work out ? Asking me NOT to leave you ? Feel like a toy at that moment , felt like a complete DUMB FUCK . But I can't have that kind of thoughts in my mind for long , I just didn't want to think about it . And slowly , I refused to face it .
Just because I called to confront the person ,
to ask why they're doing so much harm to you , and I was trying to protect you . I ended up finding out about this . You love me , but you probably didn't loved me enough to stay faithful . You love me , but you probably didn't love me just as much to be the same . You love me , but you probably love others as well . The only reason why we didn't get together at all was probably because I felt so unstable . But I didn't felt that way myself , it's all because of all you've done to made me feel this way .
This time , I couldn't cry anymore .