Saturday, 17 June 2017

The best and the worst.

I remember the best thing you ever said to me. 
We just woke up and we were laying next to each other in bed and for some reason, the first conversation we had were as random as whether we should do Tokyo. We lazed for a bit and then you got up for a shower, all ready to start your day. You always get up earlier than I do. Always. 

I got up too, made the bed and sat on the bathroom
floor going on and on about whatever's in my head. It could've been politics, the messages I received or whatever I saw on my Facebook newsfeed that morning. I always pour my thoughts and you'd always listen.. even when you were in the shower watching your ugly as fuck girlfriend sit on the bathroom floor with her tousled hair and puffy eyes. 

You looked at me with your hands and shower running through your hair and said, 
"You, my girl, is something else entirely." 

That was the best thing you ever said to me. 

Now, the worst. 

There wasn't a fight or an argument. Maybe it just wasn't right from the very beginning. 
I came home one evening to what I thought was a place I did not recognise. Yes, I was warned, but my brain simply couldn't process the visuals and piece things quite right together. The facade of it, the smell, the people and the ambience. Everything was suddenly so foreign in a place I thought to be familiar with. It felt 'cold' and I was so alone but not for the fact that you weren't present. Despite the all-consuming of a mess that I had riding in my brain that intensifies every second, I appeared calm because I knew that was the best I could manage at that point. I will always give you the best of me. 

I did not cry.
I told myself I needed to have a sound mind with a clear head because one of us had to be sober. All I wanted was for you to come home so we could talk. I don't care for what things seemed to be, only for what's really going on in that head of yours, through your eyes and perspective. After what felt like hours, you finally walked through the door, I hear your voice and I felt so relieved.. but only for a moment, because the minute you came into the room in the way you moved and the way you looked at me.. it all SCREAMS negativity. You lied through your teeth. You wanted me gone. 

"I thought we were the same. Turns out, we are worlds apart."