Tuesday, 12 July 2011

Dinner date .

Missed my N's yesterday . 

Was so extremely down . Headed down to town to have dinner with Claire & Peixin tgt with Maoquan (: !

Met Peixin at 313 first and we walked around while I bought Macaroons
I swear it tasted fucking awesome & I think it looks damn cute so I asked Peixin to take a photo with it ! (:

Had an awesome dinner at the usual place in cine when we met Claire and Maoquan ♥ 

After that went to meet Aldi at old town to exercise our lungs
and headed to Kbox with the rests ♥ Hehe sang like crazy even though some stuffs happened but for that moment at Kbox I swear I was really happy and I sang my hearts out . But after awhile , I realized I was back to reality and I have to face it .

 Super epic photo here because I was getting high at the back while Claire went on to Zilian with my cam .

Around 12 + all of us went home , and my day just ended like this .

Again , when I'm home I feel so horrible and upset . I really really really feel like running away . This is no joke , I always thought only childish people would want to run away from home . But yet , I'm feeling exactly like this now . Am I too childish to face and handle everything in life my own ?

Things always turn out unexpectedly .
Just as I thought I'm going to school this morning , I DIDN'T . Really feel like slapping myself . Really . Tears just rolled down my cheeks unknowingly . I feel so upset . Just look at how much my bro cares for me and yet I'm always constantly disappointing him and the people around me . Taking them for granted , always . I feel like a bitch . I swear I do .

Tears just kept flowing when I heard my bro say ,
" Bei , you don't wanna go to school today ? "
Yesterday he texted me ,
" Where are you ? Get a mc ok ? you need the mc to retake your N lvl oral exam . "
If my bro doesn't care , why did he texted me this ? I feel like a loser , for walking out of my house just like this yesterday .  Simple words from him means so much to me . I was never close to my brother yet , few months back he texted me this ,
" Exam !!! Lols , ok , to repay me , you have to work hard and score for your N's "
For all that he had done for me , all he wanted was me to be good , me to score for my N's , me to have a bright future & me to be okay . I really love my bro a lot , but is it too late for me to wake up now ? I feel so out of control , like a complete failure . This morning , even after he left my house he texted me AGAIN , saying " I know you're late , but go to school ok ? "

  Everyday waking up facing problems wasn't what I wanted . 

And this guy below , Kai koh . He is another one that I really truly thank .

People bitch about him on blogs , saying all the bad stuffs about him . 
But there's a reason why all of us are still helping him , and a reason why SMOOVE still needs him and a reason why all of us still love him so much because it's because whatever others said , were untrue . 
 Few days ago , I promised him to help him with some stuffs , yet because of my personal problems I completely heck care him and pangseh him . When all I gave was a "SORRY" , he told me , it's okay . He really taught me things in life , allow me to know how realistic this world is and how to see things in people . 
Even though I did something so horrible , he didn't blame me at all . 
Each time Dad calls me ,
I never dared to pick up . Just like today and last night .
It's not that I hate him , it's not that I find my dad a nuisance , really . It's just that I COULDN'T face him . Because I'm a failure . My girls are coming over to my house today , hope everything is gonna be alright .