Tuesday, 20 December 2011

The person worth your tears prolly wouldn't let you cry .

 People always ask me to blog about 
happy stuffs , like happy stuffs and still all the happy moments . I did most of the time , but that's not really me . I have times where I'm down , I've times where I feel alone and upset , and all I wanted was be alone and cry . Crying sounds so annoying and "childish" . But sometimes , all I needed was knowing someone is gonna be there for me , now and future . Not someone who will abandon you and despise your or judging you after rumors . Everyone needs someone else isn't it ? The truth is , even the strongest would need a support , even the strongest will cry and feel horrible . Acting all happy wasn't what we wanted , just be yourself . 

I blog most of the time when I'm upset . 
But I realized I've always been upset about the same old things . Guys , friends and the fear of being forgotten and not being protected . I'm a girl , I get fragile at times too , sometimes I fear the feeling of not being protected as well . I'm not as strong as I appear to be , I think about things , I cry over them deep down my heart too . Sometimes people HATE us , DISLIKE us when we give them all that attitude of ours . But the truth is , no one knows what kind of misery we're going through all the time . One wouldn't act all nasty all of the sudden isn't it ? We all have our reasons , and at times we actually regret it & we feel s o r r y . 

And I feel that when girls critisize
other girls as "bitches , sluts , whore" and the lists goes on , and blame that for what they've done , haven't those girls realize that they're totally talking about themselves too ? I hate to say this , but I really hate it when people talk about me . Everybody does something for a reason , who can ever understand this ?

This was supposed to be a happy post , 
a post about what has happened this few days , I will still talk about this few days but at the same time I want to rant right here , why am I feeling so extremely down . It's like , I just really really needed someone that will fucking comfort me and understand what's going on ... I've always been blogging about a guy right ? 3 days ago , it was exactly 8 months since I knew him and had been quite close to him for a few months . Because of this guy I'm fond of , I kinda got more girl enemies ...? My attitude became really bad because I was troubling over him so badly . I hate it when someone lies to me . I mean , just tell me the truth , I won't blame you for anything . I couldn't concentrate on the things I have to do , and instead I spent all my time being upset over him and showing attitude to people around me , worst still being fucking paranoid and actually made more girl enemies that are related to this guy . Hmm , bad time . I wonder when will all this ever end ): 

Chrysan is fucking upset . 
And when things like that happens , when girls go against me , I wonder , would he .... protect me ? Would he ..... help me etc ? All this are going on in my mind . I feel bullied by the girls , sounds funny I know . And all these sort of problems , I've been keeping to myself all the time . Besides my blog maybe ? Okay , enough ranting you guys may just get bored of my rantings . Let's go on to what I've done this few days (: ! 

Yu Tat & me (:

Fetched Thomas from his camp
that day with Yu tat and his friends and had dinner @ Changi village , all treated by Thomas . Though I'm not very close to him , but I feel I can actually relate to Thomas pretty well . He's a great guy ^^
The one that bought me mint chocolate ! Hahaha . I also bought new shoes that day , check it out : 

See the brown one I'm wearing ? I bought that pair of shoes that day ! 
Might not look nice to you guys at all , but I kinda like it . And even though I'm already fucking short , and that's flat based which makes me shorter than usual , I think it's kinda cute .

My day with them ended for me
after the dinner . And the following week , which was few days back , I met up with Shane at NEX shopping mall and had our lunch there at some Japanese restaurant
Wearing Shane's cap , I know I look quite retarded ):

Send him back to his camp after 
lunch at NEX and some heart to heart talk . Headed to Punggol to fetch Shuxian to my house after that , met up with Yu Tat & Royce awhile and headed back to my home with Shuxian . She stayed overnight at my house for a day and went off , met up with Peixin at Queensway and had a lot of heart to heart talks , watched parts of "Saw" with her and freak me out like seriously ): 

Me & Shuxian
After removing lenses and lashes . 
Heh quite funny LOL . 

And check out what Daddy bought for my DSLR ♥ ! 
This camera lens can be attached to my original DSLR lens . 
Fucking appreciate my dad for buying this for me
  See the right hand side lens ? That's the one he bought ^^ ! 

Also bought myself this that day at Etude House :

Honey facial mask ^^
That night , Fiona's boyfriend cooked for us ! ^^ Damn nice hehehe . 

Having heart to heart talk with Peixin just now . 
Honestly , I feel really really upset over what one of my friend said to me just now . He told me I've actually quite a number of "enemies" /: ? I know when you guys read this , you're probably my enemy or my friend or a stranger and might even drift further away from me . But I still have to say , I really feel so upset when I heard that . I might deserve those "enemies" in my life , however no normal girl like me would actually want to have a lot of enemies in life , isn't it ? 

I admit that , I have a very horrible attitude
in the past , or even recently . I do feel sorry after showing attitude to someone when they completely don't deserve it . But at the same time I feel that what one of my friend said was true , she said "If someone hates you , no matter how much you change , they'll still dislike you" . Though I've tried changing all this while , I feel that not many will see the change in me , and they prolly didn't bother and ... continue hating me ? And sometimes , I even feel like drifting from my friends so that I wouldn't "xiasuey"(embarrass) them because of the bad reputation of mine .

Kinda upset over all this kind of stuffs . 
Being hated , disliked , categorized as "ahlians" , sluts , whore , bitch , XMM etc etc etc . 
I'm getting tired . Really tired . I admit , I'm a "XMM" (xiaomeimei) , however , those people that said that I'm one , ain't any better . If you categorize someone as a xmm just because of age , size etc it's a complete insult to me ): . 

People judge as they wish , we can't control them ,
I only learned that , we can't change much so just live with it .
Good morning all