Monday, 2 January 2012

Love could all turn into hatred in one night .

Beautiful memories that were just ugly truths
Everything were just LIES , LIES and LIES from you . 

I've been ranting extremely a lot on Twitter(@KittyVonnC) since Saturday till now &
even ranted on Facebook(Both my accounts) last night . I just can't fucking forget what this guy has done to me . I fucking hate him now . I really hate him a lot . Sleepless nights , thinking about him , and each time I sleep it's like sleeping with tears on my cheeks , & when I wake up , I just can't stop myself from remembering what has happened and the truth that , he's gone . 

I really wished somebody 
is gonna be here for me . I wanted to talk to my blood brother about it , but I just locked myself in my room because I couldn't bring myself to face my brother at all . Having someone you love so much to "two-time" you and cheat behind your back just feels so fucking embarrassing , upsetting that I couldn't face my brother at all . I felt like a complete failure , I failure that can't even keep someone I love by my side faithfully and allowing him to cheat behind my back time and again . Wtf am I doing ? 

I've always ranted in my blog about him
whenever something happened . Or sometimes , I just keep everything to myself till I feel better and NOBODY knows . I never mentioned his name in my blog while I'm ranting about him , that's because he's a guy , he still needs the basic respect and I have to save some face for him , right ? But I guess it's pretty obvious who this guy is . It has been 8 months and 16 days ever since I've known him . And around 6months since we've been so fucking close . Or was EVERYTHING one sided ? I can't believe how fucking foolish I've been for months . And even till now , I thought he would change for my sake . But no , he wouldn't

Few months back , 
a very reliable person called me and said " Does he have a girlf ? I saw him holding hands with someone at Bedok , it's definitely him ." And went I confronted him , he told me this sort of thing NEVER happened . So I just forget about it , I forgave him

The second time , 
was when this guy at MBK called me and told me that he actually had another girl outside for weeks . So , I managed to talk to the girl on the phone , which was a year older than he is . So I asked what happened , and I found out that he had been kissing , hugging and petting with her at certain places and had been like this for quite awhile . The sister of the girl even told me that I should listen to both side stories , not just one . And when I confronted him , he denied it all . FINE , I believed him and let everything go . I forgave him again . 

The third time , 4 people told me 
that he was at U disco hugging etc with 2 pub girls . 3 witnessed it , the other just heard about it . I contacted them and asked if it was true , they said it's definitely him . Fine , so I confronted him AGAIN . I asked him if it was true , and guess what he said ? He said he never remembered going to U disco . So I scrolled his Facebook wall , and went to find the U disco check-in , and tagged his name and commented , to prove that I had found evidence that he went to U disco . Then , he told me he remembered going , but still denied having hugging two pub girls . I didn't want to lose him , so I forgave him again . 

The fourth time , which was recently ,
on the 31st December 2011 12:28AM I received a call saying that he was seen at Parklane putting his hands on this girl's shoulder and allowing the girl to HUG HIM , AND FEED HIM . WOW ????????? What's more , that evening on the same day , I even fetched him from camp . And we had a little quarrel , that's why I walked away that day after we reached his house , crying . And guess what ? He didn't even bothered to ask me to stay . And that very night , I found out all this nonsense about him with another girl at Parklane and god knows who is the slut . It was definitely him because people actually went to say hi to him etc etc etc . So what could be wrong since more than 2 person saw ? Again , I confronted him and asked if it was true , he started "acting blur" and claimed he don't even know a single shit . Ok fine , and then after that he just pushed all the blame to me , saying that I must have been wanting to end this relationship so badly that's why I keep picking fights with him . How many times have you cheated me if my friends and I didn't find out ?

WTF ....... ? 
Did he just said that to me ? Instead of thinking how badly I've been hurt throughout this few months , considering everything that has been piling up in my mind ? Because honestly , for the past 3-4 times that I've forgiven him about all the "cheating" and all , I never once forgotten any of that incident . Because each time I see him , I feel so FUCKING DISGUSTED by imagining him kissing , hugging and everything behind my back with ALL THOSE GIRLS . And yet me and him were so closed and had already crossed the line of being a couple ? Not to mention those times because he lose his temper and threw my iPhone , bag & jacket . Causing my iPhone's glass to BREAK and my lighter in my bag to break as well . And those times where he pushed me in front of my friends ? I'll never forget it . For all this that has happened , I had forgiven him and all I wanted was for him to be happy , change for the better and stop being so violent . But it seems like everything that I've said was NOTHING . Enter from his right ear and out from his left . 

And btw , 
that night before I received the phone call from my friend , 
I even tidy up my place etc , and waited for him to come over at night after he's done with having fun with his friends , DESPITE THE FACT THAT I'VE TO WAKE UP EARLY THE NEXT DAY . Why da fuck is he doing this to me and hurting me again and again ? I got so fucking hurt that I just refused to do anything , I couldn't sleep well and everything . 

I still remembered the time where
I quarreled with him because , I saw a photo that's DIRECTLY PLACED ON TOP OF MY PHOTO in his wallet . And guess what ? It's a picture of him with another girl . And I know the girl . The girl even sent me a Facebook message that time saying
* this message is her exact words because I copied and paste from her FB chat*

" Hey , Cally here . The girl you saw yesterday . Haha . I saw how you tolerated xxxxx's temper and I was really impressed with it . You care about him so much yet your efforts aren't really recognized . Honestly , I think he'll be moved by your sincerity one day . And seriously , I admire your patience . Guess it's true that you can change completely when you're in love . Haha . Anyway , tkare . And don't give up ! Good luck aye ^^ " 

HELLOOOOOOOOO , what does this shows ? 
This shows that she obviously know about how close I am with the guy right ????? And yet after I quarreled with him , last night , she posted on his wall saying , "Hi Cally's boy boy!" ........ I MEAN WHAT THE FUCK , YOU CLAIMED THAT HE IS YOUR "BOYBOY" STRAIGHT AFTER I QUARREL WITH HIM ? You nuts ? What's more , he liked all Cally's statuses . Wtf ...

And because of all that has happened , 
I'm on the verge on giving up this guy already . This guy doesn't love me . He has many girls , what's the difference with losing out one right ? Because of him , I've made lot's of "girl-enemies" myself . GIRLS HATED ME . AND I LOST MY GUY FRIENDS . WHICH SANE PERSON CAN STILL STAY HAPPY ???? Losing friends , GAINING ENEMIES , QUARREL WITH FAMILY , BROKEN IPHONE and GUY CHEATING ON YOU . 

I really feel fucking
jealous about everything . Fucking angry and upset and the foolish me doesn't deserve him . I've once told I never want to lose him . Reason ? I've missed out too many guys and I wouldn't want to lose the next that I treasure . I've never once lied to him because he's the one that I wanna treasure and start everything all over again , I kept the relationship clean without any lies . Why is he doing the opposite ? Was everything you told me fake and untrue ? I really love him so much .

I've been so affected by this
for months and it's still not out of my mind . Being so attached to a guy for so long and all this that has happened is haunting my every night and I SWEAR TO GOD I CAN'T FUCKING SLEEP . Please tell me what to do . To haters or outsiders , I wish there wouldn't be "mean" comments from you guys because when I write all this on my blog , I just wanted to let myself feel better and hoping that someone over here reading would understand and we can relate . NOT TO HATE THE GUY , or the "Cally" girl . Okay ? And please please please , I'm not gaining any form of sympathy here as well .

Anyway , 
on 31st Dec , I was @ Chomp chomp with Irene , Jan & Pangpang . We ran a few places that night and had quite a lot of fun , despite thinking about this guy all the time . Here's just some photos . :