Monday, 14 May 2012

Worst feeling ever .

Yes I know , today's 
blog post is supposed to be happy . It's supposed to be about the heels I ordered online , but I guess I can only post it tomorrow because I just need to rant in this blog post to you guys so badly . You know , nothing really affects you at all unless the person who is affecting you is someone whom you care about right ? It totally happened to me last night . It's been a long long time ago since I last cried like ................ you know till the extend where you felt that you can hardly breathe , headache etc ? I was crying like that .

To cut the story short , 
I sort of quarreled with my second sister on Twitter , OVER AN OUTSIDER . And just saw some other stuffs that her boyfriend tweeted . It was so fucking hurting and I felt like I was stabbed right in the heart . When people say they can cry for hours , to me , it's extremely ridiculous la really . But I did yesterday wtf . Ok maybe just 2 hours . I was still putting on a strong front in my niece's room talking to her till I can no longer handle my feelings , and I just walked into my room normally , shut the door and CRY LIKE A BABY . 

And obviously , 
my second sister do not know . So when I locked the door , someone came knocking on it and hey I thought it would be my second sister coming over to apologize or something like that la ok ????? Naive whatever . But ended up it was my eldest sister who happen to stay for a few hours . So I let my eldest sister in , complained to her , rant and blablabla . No matter how much she comforts me , I still BUEY TA HAN AND CONTINUE TO CRY . (The thought of me crying makes me feel like a annoying bitch) 

Ever heard , when people
are already at their weakest point , all the negative thoughts starts drowning them ? I am someone who can get fucking emotional and obviously , I couldn't even think with common sense (When normally I am already someone who lacks common sense) . So I started thinking , why didn't that someone call me ? Instead , it was someone else whom called ? Why didn't my second sister check on me and apologize ? Instead it was my eldest sister who came and comforted me . Why didn't my brother came into my room to check on me and just give me a hug but instead continue enjoying his time with his friends in his room ? And I started telling myself , I HATE THIS HOME , once again

It doesn't feel like home , 
it feels like hotel . JUST A PLACE TO STAY . I am sure many of you felt that way before . For hours I was having all those negative thoughts . And of course also disappointed with that someone whom didn't bother to call . The whole night , I couldn't sleep well . And hence , ranting right over here now . 

But after clearing out
all my negative thoughts . I asked myself , why should I let a little quarrel over some stupid matters and allow feelings to fuck the hell out of me ? I am strong and I ain't gonna dwell on this forever , neither can I . No matter how angered I was because of my second sister , she's still my sister and NOTHING CAN CHANGE THAT . Instead of hating stupidly , love them . 

I started looking at things
more positively . So I thought , maybe my second sister just didn't know how to apologize , and obviously I am at fault as well , so I should apologize too (gonna pick up my courage to say later) . Maybe , my brother didn't even know I was crying . Maybe , that someone didn't know I was so emotionally down . (but still pretty pissed) 

You only get affected by people you care about . Trust me . 

Just sharing a picture here :

How you treat the people around you , they'll turn out to be like you . 
It's human nature . So before you do something that may hurt someone , think twice .

P/s : A new blog post below posted less than 24 hours ago .