Saturday, 26 July 2014

Allowing time to do it's job

Ahhhhhhhhh , 
I just got home not long ago . Headed out with my friends around evening time , headed to a few places , mostly just to eat and chill and I've to say I had a great great time . I'm so glad weekends are here once again because that would mean I get to see and spend more time with my bro since he's in the army .... 

If you followed me 
on Twitter , you would've known my day was kinda sucky at first because I had a horrible dream about my late mom again . This time , I had a dream of her dying in front of me and yet I couldn't do anything about it .. I was crying and wailing like mad to everyone I see in the dream including my dad , asking them to please just save her from death . Witnessed her die in front of me all over again is insane . I've blogged about one nightmare about her recently before , you can read it HERE .

I don't know why ,
I won't stop getting those dreams ... I felt alright initially when I woke up from the dream , unlike the previous time where I woke up crying . This time , I sat up for awhile to let my thoughts sink in and gave myself time to know what's going on , that it's just a dream , but the more I think about it , the harder it becomes ... the cold hard truth that she isn't around for more than 4 years already and that's just so hard for me ... so so hard . That's when tears rolled down my cheeks uncontrollably once again . And to be very honest , I detest it .

It makes me feel like a horrible person .
It makes me feel afraid , like fear engulfing me .
It makes me feel like no one's ever gonna save me from this mess .

I just miss her so bad you know ..
I'm not sure if it's just me thinking too much about her subconsciously that I don't even realize it or is it just so coincidental that I just always have dreams about her . These kind of nightmares usually scares me and it really hurts whenever I wake up having to face reality that she's no longer around & gone forever . But sometimes I'm relieved , relieved when I see her in my dreams since I've always been missing her . Having dreams about her is almost the only way to see and feel her again because it(dreams) usually feels so damn real . It's like she's so dear to me and I'll give anything in return to feel her by me again .

I just hope that in time to come ,
things would get better. I know this may sound selfish and I do miss you mom , but it feels so horrible for me to wake up from nightmares about you and crying after every now and then . It's scary because there's no one to go to and it's so mentally draining and torturous . Sometimes I just yearn , I just yearn for someone to be there for me , it's getting too tiring and often for me nowadays .

But I'm glad I spent
some time out today around town with great company and it's truly a very chill day . I enjoy chilling around , talking and coming back home to a very cute pet dog . The best part ? Knowing that when I wake up later , I would be able to see my bro (':

This was taken less than an hour ago , I love him so much
Gonna end off this blog post
with good food I had earlier on today !!! I guess it's still a great day even though it was kinda bad earlier on *stays optimistic* hahahaha .

Coffee Bean's vanilla drink reminds me so much of my bestfriend . I miss her ):

I blogged a few posts below as well btw !!!
Have a great day ahead guys