Monday, 20 October 2014

I love how blogging isn't a chore to me.
I don't dread doing it, I don't force myself to do it and I absolutely love how it is only natural for me to be typing away like this any day. Initially I thought I would be reluctant to blog today since I'm extremely tired right now & it'll definitely take some time to finish a post but my fingers just won't stop typing now hahahha.

Anyway, like I said,
I'm really tired and worn out, had my 8 hours of sleep, ate my yogurt etc, but I'm actually feeling kinda sick right now. Just crossing my fingers hoping I wouldn't wake up with a fever tomorrow! I can barely open my eyes now, they are too damn swollen and I won't deny it's due to excessive crying last night, or rather, this morning HAHA. 

It's not exactly a bad thing y'know.
Long story short, I was just missing my mom all of the sudden(it happens to me most of the time). Just that this time, my thoughts/emotions got a little out of hand and then I just broke down. I haven't cried soooo bad in the longest time EVER. I was literally hitting my chest and telling my friend how much I missed my mom. 

I couldn't help imagining 
her pain, how she suffered, how she felt, how she was pushed out of the operation theatre with a huge stitching on her head and sobbing because it's too painful for her to handle. It's been more than 4 years now, but honestly, no matter how much I try not to think about it(her death), or how much I try not to think about her, I still do, subconsciously. It'll forever be in the back of my mind. 

I dream of her so often. 
I remember every little thing about her, even the slightest, most insignificant moments like how she tries to hide her smile or how she used to open the door for me everyday after school. But can you imagine, losing someone so dear to you when you know she still loves you? It's not like relationship fall outs where people leave you because they no longer love you. My mom loves me. 

Yet, I can't love her anymore. It's a living hell, trust me. 

I couldn't stop dwelling on it
for hours, I went into my bro's room the minute I got home obviously at a horrendous-looking state at 4.30AM in the morning... "Kor..." That's all I said and he woke up immediately. He knew something was wrong, through my voice, my face and all that. He knew I wouldn't wake him up at 4 in the morning for nothing. 

We sat in the living room
for an hour plus or so to talk about how I've been feeling and all. I've to say I definitely felt a whole lot better after crying to my brother and all but I guess I always go back to square one - I just have to live with it. I sometimes feel that crying is the only thing I can do, you know? Like there's nothing more right than being upset. 

Last night was the first time in my life,
where I felt such STRONG pain within me that, I just really want to be with my mom, that's all. It's not being suicidal, it's not self pity, it's how you yearn to be with that person so much, so so much that you're willing to give up everything you have. I come to know that, time doesn't heal. It really doesn't make things better for you. In fact, if I have eternity, I would remember my mom forever. 

There's absolutely NO WAY
for me to describe to you guys how it feels like to miss my mom or how painful it is to even think about her. Sometimes I'm so afraid of losing memories of her based on what I saw in the past. I'm afraid my memory would fail me as time pass and as I grow older. Sometimes I secretly wish I would dream of her more even though those dreams can get quite scary. But only then would I feel close to her, like she's there. Even if it means that she wouldn't speak to me in the dreams. 

The death of my mom makes me feel so
afraid to lose the next person I love. Death is so scary. You would feel so helpless.. I told my bro yesterday that if I were to lose the next person I love, I would really just die. It's THAT kind of pain. I just kept telling him that my heart aches because it does. It doesn't go away. 

However, that incident definitely
have a lot of impact on me and it also molds me to become who I am today, how I know I have to cherish the people around me and love them unconditionally. I don't need a reason to love someone unconditionally anymore, I just KNOW I have to. Thank you mom, I love you. 


 Okay! Been emotional enough!!!!! 
The fact that my father just came out of his room to ask me to sleep early sort of brings peace to me. Like he's safe and sound hahaha. Anyway, I've been spending time with my best friend, Peixin and Justin these few days! My best friend is the person that I would love right next to my family. ♥ 

Sooooooooo okay throw back to a 
few days ago where I headed down to Space Invasion!

Hehe I was wearing the pair of
earrings that Luna bought for me from Femmex! And tried on a new shade of gloss from Loreal, a gift from Justin! ^^ Anyway so I headed down to SI to pick out some clothes and I headed over to Bugis to meet Justin right after that for dinner! :D 

We settled for Peperoni Pizzeria. (Not located at Bugis)

Yup, you get to doodle there
and all, you would get a cup of crayons so don't worry hehe. The type of crayons they use don't stain! Above is Justin drawing a... what he claims is a portrait of me(fml) which obviously turned out super hideous looking AHAHHA. You'll know how it looks like later!
Got my usual tomato juice.

Our large pizza with two flavors!

Swear it's SUPERRRRRR cheesy!!!

His slice of pizza super full of egg yolk lor hahhahaha.
Ordered this for dessert! It was FANTASTIC. Show you how a vid of it below now omg

Super 'doink' right?!
I've no idea how to describe to you how awesome the texture and taste is, you just have to try it to know! I already can't wait to go back there and try this particular dessert again lor hahhahaha. Anyway ya the drawing of me in the video damn ugly!!! K la, E for effort LOL. 


Sorry ah I not very talented.
Maybe next time can consider doing draw my life video HAHAHA. My drawing looks better than the picture in rl ok. HAHAHA. So anyway I got home right after dinner changed out into MT t shirt(since I wear that at home sometimes) and headed off to a nearby mall!

And yup, got myself a big tub of yogurt hahahha, I'm in love ♥_

The next day, I got up pretty early
and met up with my best friend!!!!!! It's been a million years since I last saw her and I missed her so much!!! I love how it'll always feel the same way her no matter how long we haven't been talking/seeing each other. Love my best friend!! It was super impromptu and we headed in to JB, Malaysia hahaha!


Anyway I think we're in 
City Square mall(JB) the whole day! Didn't go anywhere else, the first thing we did after we got into JB was to get cigarette LOLOL and fml I was on this crazy pig mode because I saw so many types of snacks that I wanted!!!!! But we decided to settle for Kim Gary Restaurant to have light lunch first!

Cute best friend

How can I not love this girl

Bff had Mango aloe vera while I had Mango sago hahaha

We shared a plate of teppanyaki
so that we can eat more afterwards... but turns out we actually didn't each much the whole day! But seriously, our plan was to just eat the whole day hahahhaha, but I had some really fucking good yogurt right after that:

This is sick yogurt. Swear.

We also did a little shopping
for some stuffs and we got so tired and hahhahaha we went to get Shihlin seafood tempura and sat down at coffee bean with super good vanilla milkshake. I still remember how I tried my first vanilla milkshake in my life from coffee bean because my bff made me try it last year or something.

In my opinion the shihlin tasted a little different from the one from SG though!


Hehe love my girl so much!
We had this like mini gossip session when we sat down at coffee bean when it was raining crazily and when we had enough of the vanilla milkshake, we headed back to the mall's Doraemon Cafe or something like that! We didn't try their food because it appears that their pancakes are frozen plus they don't have cold drinks at all lol. I believe it's a temporary booth cuz it looks like one!!

Bff did the liquid one while I did the sand one!!

I was about to keep this until the salesperson went like, "erm miss, you can color the background also" LOLOL bff totally had a good laugh at me, I didn't realize I can color the background also la HAHAHHAHA
 Anyway don't judge
that my Doraemon is pink okay. I really saw a pink one that day!!!!! Here:

Meanwhile over at bff's table~

We sort of wanted to compete to see who can complete the art piece first and that's when she ruined her Doraemon's nose HAHHAHA.
 I immediately told my bff,
"instead of trying to fix your Doraemon's nose, why not just put a few more drips of red on the face to make it seem like it's nose bleeding LOLOL hahahhaha we both had a really great timeeeee. So, our end product:

Mine! Looking super horrendous but it's ok. HAHHA

Bff's!!! Ultra neat already lor!!

 Not sure if you're able
to believe it, but by then it was already super late, like dinner time! We both weren't hungry so we just had BBQ sticks from this store!!! A bit like lok lok, but definitely not comparable to the real road side lok lok van la!!! But we couldn't stay till late to have the authentic lok lok, so the mall one will do!

The broccoli damn yummy!!!!!!

 That was pretty much it
for our one day in JB! We got back home only about 12 plus midnight, oh ya and my bff kept scaring me with this Halloween makeup picture that day lolol, damn disgusting!

It's impossible for me not to miss this idiot
so last night, I met her along with Justin at 313 Somerset and I bought garrett popcorn for the first time in my life and it says:

To me from me..... TOO MUCH HAHHAHA.
Okay la actually Justin bought it for me!
And then I saw garrett popcorn's napkin and I thought it was damn cute so I decided to snap a picture of it cause it says:

Yup, Love is messy. 
We had smoothie king while waiting for Peixin to come :D

I was so excited
to see her to whole time! I swear I won't ever get bored of my bff.
Once she joined us, I continued to walk around orchard to source for a particular pair of shoes that I wanted, but I couldn't find it! Oh well, ordered it online today anyway T_T Really hate preorders... 

Back to topic,
Justin and I weren't hungry since we had macs earlier on that day, so I brought my bff to My Art Space Cafe! Told you guys I would be back to this cafe hahahaa (blogged about their amazing sandwiches before). I love the place! Super chill somemore it was raining, the atmosphere was super up there HAHHAHAA. 


Tried out their Salmon sandwich this time and... I won't say it's super good so ya. Still prefer and love their egg mayo sandwich!
 Bff, Justin and I spent
a pretty long time in the cafe, mostly talking about nonsense and sharing stories of the past. The weird thing was, Peixin and Justin never met each other even though they both knew me for a LOOOOOOOOOOONG time. So it was their first time speaking to each other and.... they instantly clicked! So glad :D

It wasn't long until
I decided to go to the LAN shop that Justin and I used to frequent again. This time, with my bff along ♥ So thankful that she's willing to accompany me for like THREE hours in the LAN shop playing a game that she doesn't even play LOLOL. We had supper at Aroy Dee after LAN and aaaarghhhhhh I regret going there!

Their food is too spicy for me
and here's a picture of how I looked like last night when I was eating spicy food lol: 

Picture not taken last night btw, it's just an example!
This is EXACTLY how I would look
like whenever I attempt to eat spicy food. I simply cannot take spicy food. The inside of my ear becomes super painful and I've no idea why. I've been like this since I was young so.... yea get's it's gonna remain this way for the rest of my life. Most people are shocked when they know the inside of my ear gets painful when I take spicy food, but when I was younger, I thought it was normal!

My family like to tease me though. Like, "eh don't buy spicy food for her, later her ear pain." Lolol. 

As much as how I dread
taking spicy food, I also love thai food! I have this favorite thai restaurant that I always go since I was in secondary school and I went again recently as well! Will blog it if I happen to go again. :D 

My bff's face vs her favorite emoji HAHHAHA
But yea we were all chatting
happily during supper after LAN as you can seeeeeeeeeeeee, we were all smiling and all in the pictures above until we somehow got to the topic about my mom and hence, today's post! I don't regret talking about it with them though.... in fact I'm thankful. Like FUCKING thankful that I've them around.
I love you bff!
Ok seriously gotta go sleep now if not tomorrow sure fall sick HAHA. 
Goodnight y'all!!!!