Saturday, 21 February 2015

Mundane life & a small little message for you.

Happy Chinese New Year everyone!!!
Why am I always blogging when I'm really really exhausted? Hahaha, funny how it takes a certain 'urge' for me to blog here.. 看来 blogging 是要有 feel 的! HAHAHA. I considered blogging at Dayre at some point, which I did! So I would be updating a bit here and then I guess! 

Sometimes I feel really
'thankful' to have a blog in the sense that, it's actually an outlet for myself to let my emotions flow. To just to let it all out, which is why I do have a few blogs/dayres that I'm currently using every now & then. 

Not sure why,
but a sudden surge of sadness just overwhelmed me at the thought of something. Something as in, well, someone who's really pretty important to me in my life just passed away recently and I just feel like I'm fucking drowning all over again. Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe when I think about it. Tears just well up my eyes but when someone's around, I just have to swallow 'em back. 

You feel me? 

It's such a familiar sense of fear.
So similar to when my mom passed. But this time, I would say I'm handling it pretty well. To know that the person is finally not suffering alive now is sort of a comfort to me as well. And of course to know, death is just inevitable. People die. We, will all be gone one day. Just a matter of time, right? 

I haven't told much
people about it, just informed a few friends, attended the funeral, allow myself to cry for that one day and done. I'm feeling alright now, but I swear to fucking god when I first heard the news that she passed, I felt like dying. It's like tearing yourself apart from inside.

I felt like I was
trembling inside, and a very very overwhelming sense of fear because of the uncanny resemblance of how it actually feels SO SIMILAR to my mom's death. (As in how I felt, not the way they pass.) For that split second I thought I wouldn't be able to handle it, as if I'm gonna crumble and drown in fear.

Limbs turned cold,
breathing became harder and louder. I tried not to cry at first but I know I had to let it out at some point. For a moment I thought, am I actually crying for myself because I'm wallowing in self-pity, or am I really mourning for the person? I had so much doubt about myself that I asked my friend who happened to be with me then. Doesn't matter what the answer was but I just really want to thank him for being there for me. It could've been worse. 

I'm sorry for how this
post quickly escalated into an 'emotional turmoil'. But I swear to god I feel so so so so sooooo much better after blogging about it. It almost always works for me! To actually blog about something that's on my mind all day and feel way better after that. Not sure how the magic works but, omfg so glad I can just let it all out HERE. If you're reading this, thank you for being so kind to take in this mess. Thank you for allowing me to just take this small amount of time to mourn for a bit. Thank you for being here. (': ♥

Okay! Mourning time is over!! ^^
Allow me to post some awesome pictures here taken with Luna the other day! I seriously had to urge to take some pictures & post it up on Instagram that day but most of my friends weren't free for me, so I tried my luck and asked Luna! As usual, I wasn't expecting much, especially how I asked her out just the day before and wanting to meet at fucking 11 in the morning the next day lol.

But to my surprise,
Luna actually agreed spontaneously to my request even though she had school in the afternoon! Thank you so much Luna!!!! ♥♥♥♥♥ Hehe, that morning, we met at My Art Space Cafe and omfg felt so bad because I was actually late! 

Also wanna take this opportunity to say thank you so much for the 10k followers on Instagram! Without you guys, I would never have hit 10k that day!!!! Thank you so so much!!!!! ♥♥♥♥ 

Outfit of that day! :D 

I love how this cafe seems so serene in the morning! Makes me feel at ease, really. (: 

Spoilers: I didn't really drink the tea.
I regretted hahaha. Not that it's not nice but it just isn't to my liking! They have a variety of tea there though. I personally strongly recommend their mango juice, but I'm not sure if they still have it now because I noticed they changed their menu recently! 

What Luna had for breakfast. :D 

Yeap, I had pizza for breakfast that day. #ThugLife HAHAHHAA kidding. ♥♥ 

Once again,
thank you so much Luna for waking up so so early that morning just to have breakfast and take some random shots for me. ♥♥♥ I really appreciate it so much!!! :D On a side note, I swear I love our self shots HAHHAA.

Moving on, I also went
to Gemas, Malaysia few days back and actually got the chance to take a damn train back to Singapore!!!!! Omfg trains from Malaysia to Singapore are damn old school and I actually really really enjoyed the ride. ♥

This milk tea and the bread below at Nanyang Kopitiam located near the Gemas train station in Malaysia is DAMN FUCKING GOOD I TELL YOU. ESPECIALLY THEIR YUAN YANG WA SAI CANNOT. 

Anyway, just received my bro's
mcdelivery and what the fuck the fries are so fucking under pack?


I honestly don't get it.
It's been like 9283475 times that they served us COLD, HARD fries that are so fucking under pack every single time we order. DESPITE the fact that we actually bothered to call to inform sometimes or even write it in the 'remarks' section if we ordered online.

Look, I'm not even asking
for a refund or anything else. All I want is a hot pack of fries that's packed with the appropriate amount. I mean, really? The picture above? I took that picture RIGHT after we took it out from the paper bag and it's ridiculously under pack!

I can understand that
sometimes, fries are not served crazy hot, but don't you think under pack fries are just way too much? Are we receiving what we paid for? Is this what we deserve? How would you feel if you were in my position? Hungry af, had a long day, decided to place your damn trust in mcdonalds again and hoping they'll fill your stomach.

But then they serve you this shit.
Yea, maybe it's my fault to trust that mcdonalds will serve the right amount of fries and all. But isn't it basic work ethics? Isn't this considered as cheating? By giving lesser than what you promised to give and what your consumers paid for? Fucking nonsense lol. Honestly, I don't see why all the other outlets have this problem.

I don't usually
even post up my 'complains' here and really, it must've been bad or at least a few times before I decide to. IMO, it's huge negligence on their side that they don't give a shit about the things we say when we order.

Ok I'm done, forgive me for ranting. Again.

On a side note,
it also felt quite sad that the mac rider ignored me when I wished him Happy CNY HAHAHA.
It's just sad huh? When someone doesn't reciprocate your kindness for them. And this, reminds me of someone I know. Someone that I really want to thank but don't know how.

 Because he once said,

"Words are so cheap. So so cheap." 

I can never forget the look
in his eyes when he said that. It's so... transparent and emotional. It may sound like a very 'common' thing to say, but as far as I know, there must've been a very strong reason for him to say it. He wouldn't just keep that in mind for no reason. And sometimes, it really feels as if he is actually 'reminding' himself of what he had learned before to know this.

You know how in life,
you would definitely meet a few people that are more closed up within? Some that just prefer to share less and some that you just can't seem to understand or 'read'. Like how they're always cloaked in this... mysterious vibe? HAHAHA. Sounds a bit weird now but you get what I mean!

So like I said, for that moment
when he said that words are cheap, I felt his eyes were so 'transparent' and 'see-through'. Not that I understood his sorrows or what he was thinking, but I just felt like I could actually feel him more. Like he is welcoming me to a small part of his world, to better understand his emotions. It also, breaks my heart a little.

To put it in blunt terms,
sometimes this person feels really cold & dead. But when he start opening up a little, you start to feel the human in him. Not sure if it makes sense to you but that's how I feel. Honestly, I don't claim to know this person very well, nor am I very close to him. But I feel honoured and extremely glad to be there for him and to know him more even if it's just a little. Even if it's just 0.01% of who he is and it's still worth it.

Everyday I just want to say
thank you to this person. For allowing me to be in his life, to understand him, to slowly know him even though it sometimes makes him feel invaded or uncomfortable. I want to thank him for being so kind to me all these while & little does he know that he is one of the nicest people around IMO. It is truly a blessing to know him.

Well, this friend of mine,
thank you for being there for me in times of need. During times where I feel so fucking shitty about life and myself. During times where I was being annoying and still annoying LOL. Thank you, for just being around on boring days. Thank you so much for accepting me as who I am & as a whole. Most importantly, thank you for being you. I really appreciate it.

Right now what he sees are
just words from me. However, I hope that one day, this friend of mine would come to know that these words are true. Till then, please genuinely accept my thank you.