Wednesday, 8 July 2015

If I could.

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Today have been a pretty
productive day for me! Felt as if I was doing something sane and right. Like this is how you should 'utilise' your time. But I feel like I'm struggling within to actually say, I don't feel alive inside at all. I can't pinpoint why. Maybe I don't really fancy what I do or maybe some things just don't fit into my life that I thought would be pretty nice to have. I have many things that I should and am happy about, but at the same time, the bad news... are pretty overwhelming for me as well. The kind that I wished didn't happen and the kind that I know I wouldn't share for sure.

I was just reading through
my old blog posts, the thoughts, the pictures, the videos and the music. All the little details or at least most, were documented into this little space. There were times where I was over the moon and on cloud nine. And times where I felt all low and helpless as if I fell into a bottomless pit and everything else seemed so bleak. I reread some posts over and over again only to note that those feelings were true and genuine but I felt nothing close to nostalgic but only foreign. Foreign to how things have become and how we don't notice we ourselves have changed in just a short short while. 

Change is the only constant.
Change is never-ending and people are ever-changing. 

What if people fail to adapt? To their new oneself? Their closed ones? Their loved ones? What goes through their mind when they notice the change? Would they avoid it? How much does it mean to them? What would they do about it? Do people stay by holding on to memories dear to them? Or do they do so because they are or want to be nice? If people stay, why? If they leave, why? 

I can have so many questions
but I would never have a definite answer because this IS a endless debate. Two sides to a story, two sides to a possibility and two sides to an answer. Basically two sides to everything you can think of. Just like how we have the ying and the yang. The negative and the positive. 

I find that my thoughts
are unknowingly suppressed and I detest it. (By who? By what?) I want to be free, I want to be able to voice things out, I want to be able to be straight up and be opinionated like before. I don't think I like the way I behave now, not for the better. If I stay strong enough, would I learn and find out more or would I only learn how to live with it? Don't be quick to form your own conclusion. There can be so much to a simple thought and they may not round back to the same catalyst.